The daughter is thus looked upon with fury, jealousy,and envy her own offspring is viewed as a threat.Īs a result, she may devalue her daughters appearance, criticize her body and shame her. Female narcissists exhibit internalized misogyny and often view other females as competition. The narcissistic mother is likely to overvalue her own looks and sexual prowess. It is common for narcissistic mothers to compete with their children, especially their own daughters. She competes with her children, disrupts their transition to adulthood and crosses sexual boundaries. Yet behind closed doors, she is pouncing on Timmy with reprimands about what he has yet to accomplish and picking on Stacys weight. She brags about how little Timmy always gets straight As and how her darling Stacy is the prettiest little girl in town. Though she criticizes them and treats them with contempt behind closed doors, in public she shows her children off as if they were prized possessions. Her children are objects and must be pristine and polished in every way, lest their reputation or appearance taint her own. The narcissistic mother micromanages and exerts an excessive level of control over the way her children act and look to the public. She treats her children as extensions of her. This form of devaluation can leave a painful imprint it causes her children to compare themselves to others as a way to evaluate their self-worth. She might make one child a golden child (doting upon them excessively) while making the other a scapegoat.
She unfairly pits two or more siblings against one another, always asking, Why cant you be more like your sister or your brother? She stirs up competition, drama, and chaos. She destructively compares her children to their peers, teaching them that they fall short in terms of looks, personality, obedient behavior, and accomplishments. Like any narcissist, the narcissistic mother engages in triangulation manufacturing triangles among her children and even their peers. She sets up damaging comparisons among her children as well as their peers. By doing so, she instills in them a sense of never being good enough, no matter what they achieve. She shames her children for acting with any sense of agency because it threatens her sense of control and power. She shames them for their choice of career, partner, friends, lifestyle, their manner of dress, their personality, their preferences – all of these and more come under the scrutiny of the narcissistic mother. She shames her children for not accomplishing enough academically, socially, professionally and personally. Shaming is a tactic the narcissistic mother uses to ensure that her children never develop a stable sense of identity or self-esteem to ensure that they never grow independent enough outside of seeking her validation or approval. The narcissistic mothers erratic shift in emotions, her ever-conditional love, her constant shaming tactics and her ruthless comparisons terrorize us, creating a persistent sense of anxiety where safety and security should be. Narcissistic parenting distorts our self-perception instead of being given the building blocks of a healthy self-esteem, we internalize a nagging inner critic and a perpetual sense of self-doubt (Walker, 2013). Rather than affection, we are exposed to unhealthy enmeshment, chronic rage, and egregious boundary-breaking. Not only does the narcissistic mother fail to protect us early on from the terrors of the outside world, she becomes the sourceof our terror. Her insatiable need for control, excessive sense of entitlement, stunning lack of empathy, tendency towards interpersonal exploitation and constant need for attention overrides the welfare of her children (McBride, 2013).
An abusive, narcissistic mother sets up her daughters and sons for inevitable danger due to the nature of her disorder.
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